A Long Overdue Update

I had been promising an update for a while, and while it will be brief… at least it will be something!

Life on Excablibur is actually better than I imagined it to be. Most of it has to do with the fact I have a pretty awesome set of LSes and friends on the server. Granted there are a smattering of people on other servers that I wish I could play with, but the majority of the people I am playing with are pretty damn awesome. Hell, even most of my DF parties aren’t that bad even though I tend to have anxiety attacks before queuing up into one.

My biggest fear as a player with limited play time is that I’m a.) horrible b.) under equipped and c.) uh… I’m horrible? Even though I can’t play often, I am sometimes obsessed with wanting to be a better skilled player to the point I end up freaking out and am unable to play for fear of being a disappointment to others and myself. I know this is strange coming from a person whose current job in life is to encourage others to fail, learn from them, and make it not seem bad at all. Yet when it comes to myself? The idea of failure seems utterly and completely catastrophic that sometimes I am paralyzed with this unreasonable fear that I will be abandoned, made fun of, and left alone with no friends. It is the sort of pressure that is self inflicted and unnecessary, and I often have to go through a process of talking myself out of such a toxic train of thought which leads to a mixed bag of results. After all, with my current IRL status, the game is really one of the few places I can just chill out and not freak out over everything that truly affects me in real life. Like… grades or my family.

In game progress is mostly focused on gearing in full Dark Light, getting my relic, using tomes of Mythology for a +1, and maybe making progress towards the Coil. The Coil actually seems like a pipe dream, to be quite honest. I’m too swamped with other things that I pretty much think of only taking one step at a time. Which is… okay… but it makes me feel restless. Sometimes I wish there was a system in place to give you rested bonus towards a slight increase of tomes. Ok, that would probably break the system and what not, but at the rate I’m going I feel like it would be quite some time before I am able to be where I want to be. Will people still want to help me? Or will they be too preoccupied with higher end content to want to bother? I’m sure they would, but me being a worry wart tends to put those thoughts into my mind. Oy…